This past summer changed my life. This fall, I'll bring in a new harvest, the fruit of which has been growing for nearly two years--even though I didn't even realize it. It's been steadily ripening over the past few months, and it's poised to reach its peak this fall. What a beautiful metaphor for love. In the Message, Galations 6:9 says, "At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up or quit." How many times have I been afraid I'd end up running away from Joey because I'm scared of being vulnerable? But time and time again, Joey shows me that I can be vulnerable with him. And the truth is, I can be more vulnerable with him than I've ever been with anyone. It's not easy, but it's good. Very, very good. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
The leaves are changing. I didn't notice it at first, but as I rounded a corner driving through the canyon yesterday, a burst of firey orange leaves appeared up in the middle of a lush cluster of green trees. So obvious, that change. Do you think it noticed? The trees around it could tell, but could it tell until the leaves fell?
I didn't know my feelings were so obvious. I couldn't tell until I started falling. My feelings felt sudden, and a completely unexpected change of heart that I fought against longer and harder than I care to admit. Looking back on it now, I can't imagine how I could have missed it.
I never thought of myself as a stubborn person, but the past two years have proven me wrong. When I met Joey, my perception was skewed, distorted by my own obstinate unwillingness to open my heart to a stranger.
I never thought of myself as a stubborn person, but the past two years have proven me wrong. When I met Joey, my perception was skewed, distorted by my own obstinate unwillingness to open my heart to a stranger.
And now? I'm in love with him. I'm sure of it--but I'm afraid to tell him. Is there a perfect moment I'm waiting for? Well, in a way, yes, but I'm not waiting for a sweeping romantic unrealistic moment. I'm waiting for my heart to catch up with my spirit, to be at peace with this just as much as my spirit is. I have a deep knowing about him, one that words can't capture. And while this whole thing is still new, they're amazingly good. And while life isn't perfect, and my circumstances are still very much the same, I'm happy. Very happy.
Figuring out you love someone doesn't cure the ails of discontentment. It doesn't suddenly make everything in the world right again, and it isn't even a dream come true. Instead, it's a dream that keeps coming true in the midst of other dreams that seem far-off, unreachable, or previously unfathomable. It's joy and pain, happiness and sadness, irritation, forgiveness, togetherness, and company. A witness to your life and a partner in crime. It's a lesson in friendship, in vulnerability, in justice and in truth. Cooperation, compromise, and commitment. Love is a constant struggle that's worth every moment.
