Project 31: Day 31. Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!

Whew. There were a few days there I thought I'd never make it. I started Project 31 back in, what, January? But I promised myself that I'd finish, and I'm learning that these days, following through is not as easy as I thought it would be. It's a muscle that I need to exercise more, I think. Making a commitment, walking that commitment out, doing the hard work that comes with making a decision about something--that's tough. But it's good.

So here I am today, at my last Project 31 entry and I realize that even though the journey has been long, the lessons I've learned are more than worth it. It's not that I didn't know what true beauty was before tackling this project; I did. But I don't think I understood it as I do now. I wouldn't begin to claim that I understand it all. I know I don't. But nevertheless, it's fair to say that I understand more now than I did at the beginning, and as I walk away from this challenge and continue to embrace beauty, to celebrate it, to live it out--I'll understand even more about it. And I love that.

My dream is to walk in beauty. To breathe it in and savor it, to live it, to somehow embody it everyday. To recognize beauty in the dusty, neglected corners of the world that others have forgotten. To celebrate it in unconventional places. To point it out. To create it. To enjoy it.

I hope to instill these things in my daughter as she continues to grow in beauty and grace. I hope that her heart understands, truly deeply understands, how beautiful she is, how important her heart is, and how the two are intertwined. I know she'll have battles of her own, battles she'll have to fight for herself, things she'll have to learn on her own, and sorrows and heartaches that will come (she is, after all, human), but I also hope that deep down, she will know that she knows that she knows how valuable she is, how beautiful she is, and how loved she is. Just because she is.

I dream of a day when beauty becomes real again. When the imposters are exposed for what they are, when the distorted perception of "real" beauty is set right. I dream of the day when True Beauty will be revered and celebrated and understood for what it really is. If the beauty we see on Earth, the beauty that arrests our hearts and makes us catch our breath, the beauty that makes us feel soothed and comforted, the beauty that inspires us to sing, dance, paint, write, create--if that beauty is in fact, beautiful--how much more beautiful is the One whom it reflects?

Beyond that, there are many things I hope for and dream about, things to which I aspire and goals I've set for myself. But I think I'll save those for another time, perhaps another place. Today, I think these few words capture the essence of what I hope for my future. So in closing, I'll say this: Thanks, Project 31 for making me dive into the deep mystery of beauty, and for helping me to come back up gasping for air while celebrating what I've found. And thank you to She Breathes Deeply for setting up the challenge!

Project 31 Day 30: Who is your role model as a woman?

Many woman have influenced me over the years. Their names and backgrounds are as varied as the reasons why I have looked up to them. First, there was Anne, you know, Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables? She was outgoing, gregarious, always up for a good time, insanely smart, clever, and always said exactly what she thought. I admired that about her. Plus, Gilbert Blythe adored her world. What girl didn't want to be like Anne? But try as I may to deny it, I was always more like Diana Barry. Quiet. Demure. Shy. Not exactly the kind of girl I wanted to be, even though it's the kind of girl I was.

As I got a bit older, though, I realized there were more important things than being the funny, clever, center of attention. Those girls tended to get into mischief, a minor detail I conveniently overlooked when I admired Anne as I did. I liked that I didn't get into much trouble. I was proud of it, actually. I liked following the rules. I also realized that there was more to beauty than just what the color of your hair was because believe it or not, there were other "Gilberts" out there who liked my hair just the way it was (shock of all shocks). I started turning my attentions to other women, real women, not just characters in a book. You know, like Rachel Green. On Friends.

Rachel was beautiful. She had style, she had class. Everyone loved her. She seemed to do no wrong. And if she did, it was "accidental" and her innocent little smile got her out of a world of trouble.  It was sort of endearing. But after awhile, I realized that in the end, I was more like Monica. Picky and anal, perhaps, but exceedingly loving and dependable. She loved to serve others, albeit in her own way, but she did it with a sort of dignity and ease that I admired.

And then, after Friends wrapped and reruns eventually took up permanent residence on TBS, I realized that these women, although they seemed real to me at the time, weren't so real after all. But Audrey Hepburn? Jackie Kennedy Onasis? Now those were actual, honest to goodness, not some created character, women. And I admired them for their style, dignity and grace (among other things). I still do. I also admire Mother Theresa for her unconditional love and for the way she gave her life to so many others. And I admire many qualities of other women who I actually have the privilege to know, women who have poured into my life and been a steadfast friends, and all of them, in their own way, are role models for me. But as much as I admire all of them, the truth is that the woman who is my real role model, the one who has been a model of what a woman is for, well, my whole life--that's my mom.

And I can't believe I don't have a picture of her to post! They're on our hard drive, so I'll dig them out later and post them here.

Until then, know this: in her smile is a picture of true femininity. She is full of love, overflowing with it, actually. She is nurturing and loving, encouraging and supportive. She shares in the joys and the sorrows of those she loves as if they were her own (because really, they are her joys and sorrows too).  She loves unconditionally, with her whole heart. She makes sacrifice after beautiful sacrifice, and she chooses what is better over what is easy.  And still, she isn't afraid to say no. She isn't afraid to set boundaries. She isn't afraid to speak up if she needs to. She isn't afraid to disagree. She isn't afraid to "tell it like it is" when the occasion calls for it, but she always wields the weapon of the tongue wisely. She is generous, kind, accepting. She is loyal, loving, and compassionate. She is a woman unlike anyone else I know, the perfect mother and life long role model for me, her imperfect little girl.

Mom, thank you for being you. Who you are has made me who I am, and I like who I am. I'm a really, really lucky lady to have you as a mom, mentor, role model, and friend. Thank you for your love, your sacrifice, your advice, your support, your encouragement, and your friendship. And, perhaps most of all, thank you for all those nights of scratching my back until I fell asleep, even though I'm sure there were many nights you were too tired to see straight, let alone spend extra time doing that for me. I understand that kind of love now. Thank you for teaching it to me by example. I love you bigger than the sky!