I admit it: I stole this from Mel.

I was stalking Joey back in the day...when I didn't really know him yet. I found this video on his best friend Mel's myspace page and I stole it (thanks, Mel!)It was titled "Joey's Bubble Mess" and I thought it was hilarious.

And now? I love it that I get to kiss him. Bubble mess and all.

Journal Keeping

I just came across these thoughts I jotted down on keeping a journal. . .

I remember writing in my journal, furiously trying to record every last thought that entered my over-active imagination. Sometimes my mind would get so far ahead of my pen that I'd scramble to catch up. Other times my pen was eager to do the work, but my mind decided to go on vacation. It's not easy to record your thoughts when your thoughts aren't cooperating. Maybe there are some that are eager to get out, fully-formed and ready to be introduced to the world. Then there are others that aren't quite ready to make their debut. They're still being formulated, perfected, evolved. They'll come spilling out on the page when they're ready. Best not to push them too hard.

Selflessly Selfish

The worst question my mom could ever ask me when I was a kid was, "Honey, have you had enough alone time?" I hated the question, usually because I knew that when she asked it, it was because I was being a brat. I'd either start crying at the sound of her words, or make a snide comment and storm off into my room, fuming from the frustration of feeling overwhelmed by people, of having to interact one too many times with another person. I needed to recharge, to sneak away from the noise of the world and retreat into the safety of my own thoughts. It's always been like that. The older I've gotten, the more I like being around people though. I see the value of shared experience, a good long conversation, the joy of simply going through life with another person beside you, but when things get off balance, I get off balance.

I've been struggling with how to balance my life these days, now that there's someone I'm sharing it with. Even before marriage, two lives begin to merge together. His plans become my plans, my plans become our plans, and our plans start taking precedence over time spent with others--even time spent by myself. I've known this would become an issue, but I've felt selfish, like rest for my weary soul was something that was self-serving and unfair to anyone, especially Joey.

I got an email from my dad this week. He'd read between the lines of an email I wrote to my mom, and he felt compelled to encourage me to take care of me first. If I don't do that, I won't be up to the task of taking care of and further developing other relationships. His timing was perfect. He said, "Rachel needs alone time. She recharges her batteries by being alone. If she doesn't get it, she is not happy. She feels pulled in too many directions. (Remember, I lived with you for 21+ years!) She feels like she is running on empty if she doesn't have enough time alone with herself. God made Rachel like this. He designed her to be the wonderful, godly, talented, beautiful, smart, caring and centered person that she is. But, she can get thrown off center by not taking care of herself. And, if she is not taking care of herself, everyone else can be seen as an intrusion...
And . . .
Rachel tends to have a fearful and private side. If God is leading you to Joey, you can trust God. You will grow in faith and love in the process. Your analytical side is stronger than your feeling side (you have a feelings side, but tend to lean more on analysis). But, love is more feelings than analytical. So, it will take you a bit longer to grow into trusting your feelings. But, if God is leading, you can trust them. "

Funny how parents know us better than we realize. Even our Daddy God, He knows us better than we give him credit for. Sure, we know it in an obtuse "God knows everything about everyone" sort of way, but He actually knows the ins-and-outs of everything we're going through at any given moment of any given day. He's attuned to it, and He's communicating with us through it all the time. Whether or not we hear Him, or recognize his voice, well, that's another thing. I wanted--I needed-time alone last night. An empty house never sounded better. And you know what? that's exactly what I got. What a gift straight from my father's heart to mine. And this morning, when I opened my book that I read in the mornings to reflect on and connect with the Lord before my day begins, it was all about being centered, needing rest, not over analyzing, but trusting my Father and Friend completely. Oh, how timely this was. It was another gift straight from His heart to mine. It said:

Alive in Jesus
Living out of the center enables us to blend for a moment into a greater background than our own fears, to merely be still, and to know that God is God. It means that I don't figure out, I don't analyze. I simply lose myself in the experience of just being alive, of being in a community of believers, simply knowing that it's good to be there, even if I don't know where "there" is or why it's good. An inner stillness assures me that it is enough right now to be centered, to be in Christ Jesus, and that gratefulness is both the heart of living and the heart of prayer.
Psalm 23

So today I resolve to be selflessly selfish by staying centered on Jesus. If I do that, I know he'll tell me when I need to sneak away from everything and spend time with him, and with myself. Only when I am full can I have anything left to give.