Marriage and Acceptance

I've been sitting at this computer for the past 15 minutes trying to write what's in my heart. Somehow the words just aren't flowing out the way that I'd like them to. When I try to formulate my thoughts and feelings into actual words, I find it much harder than I assumed it would be. Writing is therapeutic to me; I enjoy it; it comes naturally (usually); it helps me make sense of ideas swirling in and around me. Tonight? They're wanting to keep to themselves and enjoy the privacy of my heart. I'm trying to get them to come out, but we'll see if my nudging does any good or not.

I'm not sure what the right words are for this, or the right actions, or the right responses. How does one embrace a hurtful action? How does one stand by and accept someone whose actions are unacceptable? Or are they acceptable and I'm just being stubborn and opinionated?

I think a lot of God's grace for us, how we certainly are undeserving, and yet his love eagerly embraces those who approach him. Should I be any different? How does one accept without sending a message that the action is "ok" or acceptable? Or correct without sending a message of judgement? These are complex thoughts that perhaps only God can answer. I believe he began to do so today, as Pastor Inman preached on instructing one another (coaching/mentoring, counseling, and confronting one another). We should love each other enough to speak the truth in love, to call one another up to a higher level of living. But what of unwilling audiences? Those who believe their decisions are "better" or more enlightened because they are consistent with what the world's view of life is. What am I supposed to do? Throw my hands up and say, "Your choices are good! I fully support them!" when in reality I do not? And yet how can I maintain a relationship if I am not honest? I do not want to build a relationship on a lie because that would be consistent with the bad choices I'm against! Confused yet? I am.

Joey and I have been married for nearly 5 months now. It hardly seems possible, but at the same time feels like this is how it should have been all along. He is my home. Saying yes to him was the best decision I ever made. Perhaps I say that now without the wisdom of experience to tell me otherwise, but the truth is that I know our marriage is built on a foundation that does not fail. There is comfort and security in that. I don't know how a marriage without that can survive. I know that's just my own small point of view, but it's the way I feel right now and I don't know what to do with that feeling other than turn it over to you, Lord.

So Lord, here once again is my heart. Help me to learn to understand the things that I do not understand. Help me to love those who hurt my heart through the pain. Help me to love enough to speak the truth. Help me to support, to embrace, to encourage. Most of all, make my heart feel what your heart feels so that I can be motivated by your spirit, your truth, your love.