What I Do and What I Don't Do

Last week I was thinking a lot about dreams, goals, and ways to pursue them without losing my mind. Have you ever been in a place where you feel distracted by the things you think you ought to do, sacrificing getting something you want to do? (And I'm not talking about paying bills vs. blowing your paycheck at the mall ... )

Someone taught me a very valuable lesson last January, and here I am a whole year later and haven't done anything about it. I've remembered it, though, and every time I find myself caught between the ought to and the want to, I think about the lesson and wonder if it could help sort things out for me.

It's simple: make a list of things you do and things you don't do.

Shauna Niequist, she's a genius. I'm telling you. (She is hands-down one of my absolute favorite authors. She tells the truth, beautifully, honestly. And I never get through the first chapter of either of her books without crying. You can check out her blog here.)

In her book Bittersweet, there's a chapter called "Things I Don't Do," and I've been thinking about the truths in that chapter for the past several days. In it, she tells the story of how she came to write a list of things she doesn't do. She tells the story of how she came to hear (and believe, and put into practice) this invaluable piece of advice: "It's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard [...] is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about."

So today, after re-reading the chapter for at least the hundredth time, I'm thinking about what I really care about. I'm asking myself questions like, What are the things in my life that are central to the life I want to lead? Am I leading the life I want to lead? And if not, what are the things I care about that I'm not making room for? What are the things in my life that I don't really care about, that are distracting me from investing in the things I do care about?

It's a two-part exercise. The first step is to decide what is most important to me - the things I do. The second step is to make a list of things that I don't really care all that much about - the things I don't do. I think by writing it out, it's like giving yourself permission to say no to the things you don't really care about, but more than that, it's permission to say yes to the things you actually care about, the things you always say you would spend your life doing if only you had the time.

When I sat down to make the list, I realized that it's much more difficult than it sounds. It may not look that way when you read my lists, but give it a try and you'll find out just how truthful I'm being. And by the way, if you don't feel like reading this list, I don't blame you. It turned out to be quite long. And believe it or not, I could probably make it longer. But maybe it will make you think differently about what you do and what you don't do - and just maybe, if you're like me, it will end up helping you feel really good about who you are and what you do (and what you don't do), and help you to take a step toward focusing your time and mental energy on pursuing the goals that line up with what's actually important to you.


Things I Do
I love Jesus. I do my best to live my life as He has asked me to, which includes serving others and being involved with fellow believers on a weekly basis.

I try hard to make sure the people I love know they are important to me. Sometimes this means watching something obscure on Netflix that clearly is nostalgic to my husband (but quite silly to me); sometimes this means inviting friends over to our place for an impromptu dinner;  and sometimes this means driving a bit to spend time with people I haven't seen in too long. Doing what I can when I can to spend time with people who make me think, make me laugh, and challenge me to be a better person is never time wasted.


I work at home. I have a more-than-full-time job taking care of my growing family. I try hard to keep things clean and running smoothly around here, and I take in freelance work when it pops up.

I spend a lot of time in the kitchen. Cooking and cleaning, yes, but studying and experimenting and creating. Cooking is a creative outlet for me, a beautiful way to experience all the colors and textures and flavors this world has to offer. I do my best to cook in a healthy, mindful way, but I never sacrifice flavor. Ever.

Which leads me to my next point. I believe in putting my money where my mouth is (perhaps literally and figuratively?) by buying organic milk, eggs, produce, and meat. I support local farms and I belong to a CSA. What this means in a practical sense is that I pay an awful lot for organic milk, I don't buy tomatoes out of season, and I made Addie's baby food from scratch (which actually is not nearly as hard as it might seem). Food is important, where it comes from is important, how we come to purchase it is important, and how we think about it is important - for the environment, for our health, and for our taste buds. Seriously - the real stuff tastes better. I promise.


I spend a lot of time with the written word by reading and writing. I read all sorts of books and blogs, especially ones that make me see the world a bit differently, or teach me something valuable, or give me sheer pleasure as I turn the page. When I read inspiring writers, I find that I am a better writer myself, and since writing is important to me, reading is essential.
 
Things I Don't Do
I don't have a outside job outside my home in the traditional 9-5 workday sense. I quit that over six months ago to stay home with my then infant daughter. When I was working, I felt lots of pressure to stay home. And now that I'm home, I feel lots of pressure to be a working mom. The thing is, I can't have it both ways, not really. But I can still do what I love here, in my home, while raising my daughter. 

I'm not much of a crafter. I could be, and I enjoy it (usually), but let's be honest here: I don't make my own jewelry or greeting cards or pillow cases or tutus for little girls. And I don't scrapbook. (Believe it or not, this has been a point of guilt for me. Not creating something fancy and pretty that documents my marriage and my growing child has made me feel like I don't care about them enough. But the truth is, I'm actually really terrible at documenting much of anything in any organized manner.) 

I don't stress over having a perfectly clean house. I do my best to keep things tidy (and actually, I really really hate going to bed with a messy kitchen), but overall, I'm not one of those women whose kitchen floor you could eat off of. Heck, I don't even scrub my shower. (But I can happily say that Joey does do that.)

I don't perform, and actually, it took a long time for me not to feel bad about that simply because I grew up among performers. Artists. Talented folks who enjoy sharing their gift in front of an audience. Plus, I married a man whose dating history primarily involves seriously talented musicians. Me? I'm not one of those. I don't sing or play an instrument, I don't act, and I certainly don't dance. And while I do want to learn to play the piano again (I quit when I was in 6th grade), I want to do that for me. I don't want to learn it with pressure to play for anyone other than myself unless I want to.

I don't do much with social networking. I don't Twitter, and I rarely Facebook. I like being connected with my friends, but I do my best to stay in touch with them by actually talking to them, visiting them, writing emails or letters to them. I admit that Facebook is an easy, fast way to shoot them a quick "I'm thinking about you" message, but I feel like it's pretty impersonal, and to be honest, I don't want the whole world privy to what I have to say to them.

I don't live outside my means. This means that I don't go shopping very often (unless you count shopping for milk and bananas every week), and I don't use money budgeted for something else or a credit card to get the things I really want. I either save for it, or wait for extra money to come in, or ask for it for my birthday or Christmas. It's tough - there are times when I feel deprived when I can't go out and buy a new purse or get a pedicure, or (even worse) sip a fancy cup of coffee as I roam around a bookstore, picking out a pile of new books to bring home with me. But I do feel good about making huge strides toward being debt-free, and believe it or not, life does go on if I keep on using my worn out purse.

I don't run marathons. I don't ski. I don't hike. I don't sail. I don't ride horses. In short - I'm not outdoorsy. I like to be active and healthy, but I don't spend my free time doing the things I listed. Perhaps I will someday, but for right now, I don't. And that's ok.

I don't keep up with the media. I don't have cable. I hardly ever know what new movie is out. I couldn't tell you who the latest pop star is. I enjoy movies and clever TV shows, but I don't keep up with the latest celebrity gossip.