Project 31 Day 4: Post a picture of yourself in your favorite outfit

I admit it. I'm cheating.

This picture is definitely not recent. Definitely.

But the truth is that I just don't have a favorite outfit right now, unless you count my ratty old SJSU sweatshirt and my new sweatpants I got for Christmas. But that's a favorite because it's comfy, not because it makes me feel the least bit attractive.

Without a current favorite outfit, I kept putting this post off, swearing up and down that I'd just choose something--anything--that I sort of like enough to post. I kept coming up empty. Instead, I decided to go a different direction, and this is what I came up with.

Photo by AGBPhotographics

So. Why did I decide to post this picture? Well, because I'm wearing my absolute favorite jeans in it, the ones that I always felt like a knockout in whenever I wore them, the ones that currently don't fit (sigh), along with my favorite peep toe patent leather heels from White House Black Market that made me feel sassy whenever I wore them. I miss them terribly. I just gave them away because they too do not fit anymore, and I haven't quite gotten over it yet. (I really wasn't expecting my feet to grow during pregnancy, but, alas, they did. At least I know I will eventually be able to wear these jeans again. The shoes? Not so much.)


So again, I ask, why did I post this picture? Perhaps because this was a time in my life when I felt really pretty. This is one of our engagement pictures, and when it was taken, I was basking in the knowledge that I was about to be a bride. Brides are absolutely stunning, aren't they? And not just on the outside, although brides seem to always look pretty. It's more than outward beauty though. They have this glow that seems to emanate from the inside out, making them exude beauty in a way that seems to fade away sometime between "I do" and the return to reality. But why? Maybe it's because it's at that time, perhaps more than at any other time in our lives, that we know how beautiful, loved, seen, treasured, cherished we are. But the sad part about all of that is that we aren't any less beautiful, loved, seen, treasured or cherished as a bride than we are at any other time in our lives, not really. Maybe in some ways, sure, but Jesus sees us that way always, from the moment our little hearts start to beat.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not nearly as beautiful as I was when this picture was taken. Other times, I remind myself that there are so many new beautiful things about me that I didn't have when that picture was taken. I guess feeling beautiful is just that--a feeling. And can't we feel beautiful because of other things about us besides our outward appearance? Can we feel beautiful when we do something we know is right? Can we feel beautiful when we've accomplished something hard? Can we feel beautiful when we lend a hand to someone in need?

Don't get me wrong--feeling beautiful on the outside is important, but knowing that we're beautiful for more than just what we look like is important too. I struggle with this everyday, to be honest. But I'm making space in my heart to start to believe the fact that there are some pretty awesome things about myself that make me beautiful besides my favorite jeans and a pair of killer heels. It's when I'm in that place that I choose to begin accepting myself as a beautiful woman again.

But I still really like this picture. And I really want to be able to wear those jeans again ;)