Buying, renting, relocating and restlessness

Joey and I always said we wouldn't move away from California for a house. It'd have to be something much bigger, much more than just that. That's still the case; a house alone does not equal a life, so leaving California for a house seems empty to me, especially since we have a life in California. It's the house part that's missing.

We're eight months into a year long commitment to living with my parents. It's been a blessing and a struggle all at the same time. Living here has its perks, but at the end of the day, I miss having our own home. A place for us, where we can create our life together, and not feel like we're waiting for our life to start. (Granted, I do understand those are just feelings and that every day our life is laid out before us waiting to be lived, but still. The feelings are real.)

In the past couple of weeks we've been starting to think about what we're going to do when our year is up. The deal was we'd live here so we could save money for a house of our own. In the past couple of weeks, we've been starting to take a peek at the sorts of things we can afford, but on our budget, in California, our dollars don't go very far. We can afford beautiful and tiny, or outdated/ugly and a fair amount of space. There doesn't seem to be much in-between. We've been a bit...discouraged.

Last night we watched an episode of House Hunters (a show we're addicted to on HGTV), and there was this newlywed couple looking for a starter home in Overland Park, KS. The homes were gorgeous--and lower in cost than our current budget for a house. It was a bit, uh, well, infuriating. Disheartening. Frustrating.

The thing is, I know that there's life to be had in Kansas; I don't doubt that. I know that we could move there, start over, and be fine--good, even. But we've started this life here, and moving away from it would be painfully difficult, I think. For me, at least. And to move for the sake of a nice home? Again, doesn't really feel right.

There are other factors to consider outside of just buying a house, factors that together make up the bigger picture of our lives--where do we want to raise kids? What sort of life do we want for them? Do we really want the normalcy of a suburban life, or do we want to do something a little different? Do we want our kids growing up in California? Do we want our kids going to California schools?  Why or why not? Do we want to leave our church, our jobs, our community, or my side of the family?

These questions apply to us anyway, whether we're talking about buying a house or not. And the truth is that Kansas isn't the only place where homes are more affordable. I guess the big question is this: what's more important? Are we willing to risk leaving where we're comfortable and semi-established for a new life somewhere else? Or are we willing to live differently here (buy a small, outdated house, or live in a rental house, or whatever...) in order to stick around where we've started putting down roots?

I'm not looking for an answer, really. And I'm also not saying we're even really considering relocation. We're just . . . restless. And being restless is exhausting.