A couple of years ago it occurred to me that people around here don't really look at each other much anymore. (And I admit that I caught myself being guilty of this, too.) In the grocery store, in line at the bank, walking in the park--wherever--people just sort of avoid each other. Avert their eyes. Distract themselves with their cell phones. Act really interested in something they see on the other side of the walkway so that they turn their heads away from you. Or even worse, seem to stare right through you as you pass by, not even acknowledging that anyone else is there.
I noticed it more profoundly when I would travel away from the Bay Area and would see people acting familiar with each other even when they hadn't met before. It made me long to live in a place where people were kind to each other, interacted with each other, made other people feel--seen.
I began to hate the way it made me feel when no one smiled at me when I was out and about. Then, I started hating the way it must make others feel. And then, I decided to do something about it. I decided to take a risk and smile at people.
Shock, I know.
Seriously though. I did. I started smiling at people. I must have looked so silly to them or to other people who happened to see me, this girl who flashed a gaping grin to complete strangers. Most of the time, people ignored me. And at first, it hurt me. I felt silly for trying to do something that was out of the ordinary, and rejected by people I didn't even know. Sometimes they didn't ignore me though--sometimes they just looked at me funny, obviously confused by the fact that someone was breaking a social norm. But once in awhile, every so often, I'd get a smile in return. Fleeting. Momentary. Half-hearted, sometimes, or even obligatory. But it would happen, and I felt compelled to keep smiling, for no other reason than it just felt like the right thing to do.
So I kept smiling. Whether I was checking out books at the library, waving to another car to let them have the right-of-way, or in line at Target, I kept smiling. Whenever there was someone to smile at, I did it. At first, it was a choice, but pretty soon, it became second nature.More and more now, I find people are smiling back. Some are shy, some are shocked, and some see it as an open door for conversation. This scared me. Smiling at strangers is one thing; carrying on a conversation with them is another. But I did it. I did it scared.
Every so often, someone will comment on my smile, telling me I have one of the warmest ones they've ever seen. Or they'll tell me that I look like I'm filled with joy. Or they'll tell me their life story, or they will ask me for help--from the very simple, "Can you help me reach that box of cereal on the top shelf there?" to the more complicated, "I need help so I can feed my daughter." The more I think about it, the more I believe that a smile is an invitation to more. It communicates, "I see you," "You matter." and "I am safe."
Not so long ago I was walking into a Starbucks to get my free birthday beverage and I saw a young guy sitting on a bench just outside. He had a pack with him, and what appeared to be a sleeping bag, and he looked like he was having a hard day. So I smiled at him as I started to get closer to the bench, and as our eyes met, he asked me for help. Anything I could spare, he asked for. I pulled out some money, asking him how he was and if I could buy him a cup of coffee as I did so. He talked about how he'd never had coffee before that day, but that someone had just bought some for him, and he talked about how he was doing ok, but not great. He didn't seem to want to talk much more, so I handed him what I had and bid him a good day, smiling as I did so. When I got inside, there was a woman at the counter looking at me, a look of astonishment on her face. "That was really nice, what you did. What made you do that?" I smiled at her and said, "I just try to do what I think Jesus would do." We had a long conversation that morning, one in which she kept coming back to how she couldn't believe what she had seen.
So why do I smile? Not because it will affect major change in the lives of multitudes, but because I just try to do what I think Jesus would do, and treating people with dignity is one of those things.
I haven't changed the world, but I do believe that if more people smiled at each other, the world wouldn't be so pent up with anger or angst. There would be welcome release, a safe place to fall, and an easy way to share the love of Jesus with people we don't know. And other people notice this. They see that there's something different about us. It impresses them. It compels them. I've witnessed this firsthand.
Smile on.
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